By Danny Minton

My parents told me lots of lies growing up. They told me there was a Santa Claus, only to find out later that they were the ones leaving gifts. They told me there was an Easter Bunny, then I found out my mom was filling the basket. They told me there was a Tooth Fairy until I caught my dad slipping some change under my pillow. Of course, there was also the lie when my dad said, “This will hurt me more than it does you.” These were lies, or maybe tiny “fibs,” done out of love for their kids.

There was one more thing that my mom used to make me feel better. It’s one I really want to believe, but have a hard time believing it’s true. It’s really the only “lie” that she ever told me that was not meant to be a lie, but encouragement. However, I’ve come to realize it’s not entirely true. You’ve all heard it: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!”

Consider James: 3:3-12 “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

I have no issue with people who have different opinions. It doesn’t bother me when someone doesn’t agree. But it does hurt when people make “snide” or “cutting” remarks. It cuts deep when I’m called derogatory names and talked about negatively behind my back. Words can sink deep when I am accused of being a liar or being manipulative. The backbiting, gossip, and divisive talk can be troubling. Words definitely do hurt.

It gives me a glimpse of what Jesus must have gone through standing at trial while “Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads…” Matthew 27:39. However, like Jesus, we must learn at times to grin and bear it. It’s hard to be Christlike when facing insults and false accusations, but it is expected. 

Back to the lie about “Sticks and Stones.” Words can hurt and get us down, but words cannot stop me from doing the Lord’s will. The negative talk, the name-calling, the snide remarks can remain for long periods, leaving scars, scars that will fester every so often. In the long run, the only words that really matter are what God says. No matter what I do, he will never call me a name or put thoughts in the minds of people against me. 

There are days in the life of a Christian that will leave one scarred and hurting. The biggest pains come from the scars that occur when you are simply trying to serve the Lord the best way you can. I’ve seen men, good men, step down from serving as a leader because they are tired of being in “Harm’s Way.” I’ve watched men refuse to serve because they have heard horror stories and confess that they don’t want to put themselves through it all.

Why is it that trying to be like Christ, glorifying God through caring for His children, can harbor such ill in some people? When you stop and give it some thought, the answer is simple. Christians will always be under fire, because, for the lack of a better analogy, people! There are people with different personalities and a wide assortment of views who come from all sorts of backgrounds, education levels, and life situations. Each person is an individual, and whether you have a hundred or a thousand, they are all going to have an opinion of what is being done or what should be done. 

So, what’s the answer? From Christ’s standpoint, it’s simply that Christians realize they will be criticized over all sorts of things. It comes with the territory. We just need to keep moving forward in how we view and treat people in a Christlike manner.

We should learn to listen to James, watch our tongues, and consider how we react and what we say. Sometimes that means asking forgiveness when we have spoken wrongly. But mostly it means holding our tongues instead of saying things out of anger. 

For everyone, we should remember the words of Jesus in Matthew. “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. “Matthew 5:21-24.

Words may not break bones, but they can break relationships. They can divide people. They can hurt feelings. Bones will heal and become stronger. Words said in anger and frustration, those snide remarks, that unkind talk, and negative vibes may never entirely go away. 

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, as much as I would like for them to be, are not real. Words are real, and they can either build up or tear down. The choice is in the heart of the speaker.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what helps build others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32 (NIV2011)

Danny Minton is a former Elder and minister at Southern Hills Church of Christ