By Jim Nichols

It was a conversation I had multiple times in my academic office at the university. A student (frequently in their second or third year of college) appears in my office. They have a serious expression on their face and, eventually, appear to be pushing back tears. A compressed version follows.

“I came to college with a well-defined academic goal; I was going to medical school. I was attracted to that career from my younger years when I observed the world of medicine through my own family medical concerns. My parents (especially my dad) have been enthusiastic about this career goal and often speak about how proud they are of me for choosing that direction.

The problem is that I have not been a strong student in some of the important pre-medicine courses. I am trying hard, but, frankly, I am becoming discouraged about this direction. Furthermore, I have taken some non-science courses outside my major and have found a couple of them stimulating and appealing. I am considering the idea of changing my major to one of those disciplines, but I have spent so much time and money on these pre-med courses that it feels like I would be wasting important things if I switched majors now. Do I just have a lack of commitment? Maybe I am just not cut out to be a college student at all.”

This college student, of course, is facing a dilemma that each of us faces in various degrees during life. If this student thinks that this “shall I pursue or shall I bail” question concerning a college major is the only one of such decisions ahead, the student is heading toward disappointment.

There are at least two angles of this decision situation. One is to have guidance about a change in direction; the second is to have guidance about how to continue in a direction when one feels “stuck.” The angles overlap and, unfortunately, there is no slick and reproducible remedy. We certainly need advice from trusted people.

To be more specific, there are some things in life we do not want to do, but we do them anyway because we believe they are, eventually, the best decision.

Brainstorm with me common examples each of us would recognize. 

We have a medical option for ourselves; we do not really want to carry through with that test or surgery, but there are compelling reasons that it allows the prospect of better health and vitality in the future for us.

We have an opportunity to leave our long-term job for another one. We know how to perform in this current job; will we be able to learn the skills necessary in a new one and are there disadvantages which we have not even considered? (There are.)

Is it time to retire from this job? I have been waiting for the flexibility of retirement; why not go for it now?

Is it time to dial back a long-time friendship or relationship? That other person has been important in our history, but we have both changed over the years and we just do not seem to “click” with each other in the same ways.

We could each propose multiple other examples where we might conclude “. . . this is not my first-choice decision, but in an extended time it is probably the best one.” 

This is when a community of trusted advisors can aid us. This may include a trusted friend, a spiritual friend/director, life coach, or therapist.

What if we are “stuck?” How do we get moving ahead when it feels as if life’s thick molasses has surrounded us?

Richard Rohr suggests we remember a driving trick each of us once learned. If we put the stuck car in reverse in the mud or snow, you can usually gain more traction when you shift back to “drive.” It is even easier to do with a standard transmission car many of us have learned to drive on. Sometimes you must do this more than once, even “rocking” the car to get it moving forward again.

Can we do that with our lives? Can we stop and go into reverse briefly and then see if it is easier to move forward then? It might be worth a try.

Jim Nichols is a retired Abilene Christian University biology professor and current hospital chaplain