By Nancy Patrick

The older I get, the more I live in the past tense. I mean this, not a figurative statement, but one based in reality. Of course, at seventy-five-years of age, logic tells me that in all likelihood I have lived more than 75 percent of my life. 

I know some people of my generation sadden when thinking of leaving this life to enter the next one, but I do not. I spend a lot of time remembering the events that have filled my life. 

My memories begin just after 1950 when I joined the Henry Smith family in Hope, Arkansas. Henry (Buddy) married Norma Jean Carr, another Arkansas native, in 1947 as nineteen-year-olds who had known each other six weeks. Today their behavior sounds insane, but during the WW II era, youthful and rash marriages happened frequently.

My dad, along with most of the other boys of his generation, lived with the knowledge that the war and their deployments in Europe may shorten their lives. These young people were accustomed to youthful marriages since most of their parents had done the same thing during the WW I era.

War seemed to put a sense of urgency on young people. They wanted to make sure they had the opportunity to fulfill as many life goals as possible, including marriage and family. I have always felt proud of my parents because in spite of their difficult lives, they kept their marriage and family together. My dad always worked to support the family while Mom maintained our home.

In spite of financial hardships and employment limitations, my parents always managed to feed, shelter, and clothe my little sister and me. I do remember many volatile times (my mom had a quick and hot temper), but I also remember feeling secure. 

I never contemplated running away from home as some young people do. It just never occurred to me to leave my home—the four of us together even during tense times. On the other hand,  because of my parents’ backgrounds, my sister and I knew our parents would expect us to grow up and leave home after high school graduation.

My strong nuclear family has provided the starch that has held my life together through the many trials over the past decades. I credit my values with my own long marriage to my husband, whom I married at age eighteen. 

Much in my past has shaped the person I became. That doesn’t mean I adopted all my parents’ values (I did not); however, their tenacity has influenced my steadfastness in my education, career, marriage, parenthood, and community service. 

Another aspect of my living in the past tense relates to many incidents and individuals that have played roles in my life. One of those concerns people who played a role in my childhood and have continued as part of my present tense. Some of those people have remained actively involved in my life whereas others became embedded memories that form the fabric of my history.

The retention of some childhood friends and relatives has greatly blessed my life. I keep in touch with several friends and cousins. That was not always the case during my middle years. All of us busily established our families and careers and did not make an effort to stay current; however, as my generation’s parents began to die, many of us felt the certainty of our own mortality.

I began making a concerted effort to reach out to aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends as our families began decreasing in size. Of course, my own younger sister and I always remained close as our parents aged and our children spent time together. Thinking of all the past holidays and vacations, I noticed that much of my time is spent in the past.

I find the past tense comforting and reassuring. The present and future feel uncertain and  tentative, so I enjoy looking through old family photo albums where I appear serene and unafraid.

Looking at my past, I love to remember the accomplishment of my education, the satisfaction of my long teaching career, the gratification of a life-long marriage, the joy of motherhood, and the pleasure of friendship.

Living in my past tense has brought me a sense of peace and harmony that I think God desires for his children. Turmoil often fills the present, but the past reassures us that the present and even the future remain in God’s hands. 

We hear a lot today about the importance of living in the here and now. Although I understand the importance of that statement, I also know that memories of the past assure me of my faith for now and the future.

Nancy Patrick is a retired teacher who lives in Abilene and enjoys writing