By Jim Nichols

In many ways he is kind of a “pastor’s pastor.” His career in ministry is filled with helpful and inspiring teaching and acts that have been both engaging and edifying as he has tried to be God’s person. One of the aspects of his ministry has been to be involved in and conduct an uncountable number of end-of-life activities and the accompanying funerals and memorial services. Perhaps that comes with the territory for someone with a clergy career as the role of “comforter” becomes prominent.

He relates one experience that is worth considering here. During a meeting with the family following a death, he asked the reasonable question about their favorite memory of the loved one. He wondered how they would address his legacy. What did he leave behind for them to carry forward?

After a bit of an awkward pause, one family member volunteered, “He was a good bowler.” The pastor was stumped by that response. That was the only answer his family submitted.

Although that response seems superficial and quite unusual, another pastor reported a much more common response that will ring bells of familiarity for us. This second pastor reports how often family members, when asked this legacy question, make the following response with great frequency. They say that the deceased had worked extremely hard throughout their life. The pastor reports that, despite attempts to broaden that memory, that is all many families keep returning to. That is their memory: he/she worked hard throughout life.

At first glance, that appears to be a reasonable response despite its frequency. It even appears laudable, almost biblical. “This person was a diligent worker. Little came before the desire to work hard.”

Perhaps our genuine appreciation for that evaluation says something about us and what we value. Despite its apparent virtue, there are some traps here for us.

I doubt that I am telling any of you readers that, at least sometimes in our lives, each of us has been caught up in work demands that have dominated our lives in negative ways-even if the work was positive and blessed by God. Just after her retirement at a relatively early age from a position in which she helped many people, a friend said, “I thought about my job 24 hours a day.”

Is it possible that we have created a culture of work that is more a burden than a blessing? There is little space to breathe physically, let alone spiritually? We are working so hard that we cannot love or be loved? We had a goal of flourishing as God’s people but the work responsibilities we have accepted have made that impossible?

I am speaking to myself here also.

What is particularly odd is that we (I) often seriously believe that the way out of this “grind culture” is to work harder.

As an educator, I have been seriously concerned about helping students learn to read well, make good decisions, and develop good “work habits.” This has required applying pressure of tests and papers to be written that have indicated progress in these learning goals. Although I still believe in these teaching processes, the downside is that some of our pedagogy can stifle creativity and direct students in ways that may be different from what is best for them and may well not be what God wishes for them. 

There are certainly values to leading students through what one writer called “studenting skills.”  The importance of meeting deadlines, paying attention, and being respectful in the classroom need to be lifetime qualities. The problem is that we parents and other adults turn these reasonable skills into a series of rules that create a “bootstrap culture.” This is the only way to grow; just work harder. Just grind it out because this is the way to be a successful adult.

I suggest that we help those in our charge to avoid being disoriented as to the truly important aspects of life. They are children of God. They are sustained ultimately by God’s love. Their story is God’s story; their work is God’s work. 

What will be my legacy? I will overlook your bowling score if you will overlook mine.

Jim Nichols is a retired Abilene Christian University biology professor and current hospital chaplain