By Glenn Dromgoole

The first thing I do when I get to church on Sunday is check the bulletin to see what hymns we’re singing that day.

Scanning the list on a recent Sunday, I noticed that we were singing two of the hymns that I’ve included in a not-so-serious list of what I call “occupational hymns” – hymn titles that might relate to people’s jobs or stations in life.

“Look,” I told my wife, “we’re singing the Weight Watcher’s hymn today.”

“Huh?”

“You know. There’s a Wideness in God’s Mercy.”

She rolled her eyes.

“And the Gossiper’s Hymn.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, for a Thousand Tongues.”

Fortunately, about that time, the organist began his prelude, the choir walked in, and the service began.

So, I’ll have to wait until another week when, maybe, we’ll sing the Math Teacher’s Hymn: Count Your Blessings.

Or the Politician’s Hymn: Standing on the Promises.

Or the Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him with Many Crowns.

Or the Judge’s Hymn: Tell It to Jesus.

Or the Detective’s Hymn: Were You There?

Or the IRS Hymn: Is Your All on the Altar?

We might have to wait until Christmas to sing the Plumber’s Hymn: Who Is That in Yonder Stall?

Or the Elementary Principal’s Hymn: What Child Is This?

One of Glenn Dromgoole’s books is Just Happy to Be Here, which includes his list of more than 90 such hymns, including the Band Director’s Hymn: We’re Marching to Zion and the Pilot’s Hymn: I’ll Fly Away.