By Nancy Patrick

At this time of year—Christmas and New Year’s—people seem to have many expectations. For children, those expectations include toys, money, clothes, and electronics. For adults, they focus on appliances, vehicles, vacations, or better jobs. Expectations play a role in most people’s lives.

I have always set unrealistic expectations, not only of myself but others as well. It’s good to set standards for ourselves and our children but not unrealistically high ones. 

My husband has always cautioned me to temper my expectations with reality, but something in my personality urges me to seek perfection not only in my life but in the lives of others.

Many parents have a “baby book” as I have in my cedar chest. With the birth of our son on February 22, 1975, I already had the book prepared to catalog each and every step in his growth.

Parents’ expectations differ depending on their generation. For example, as babies of the Great Depression, my parents had hard lives, living in poverty and lacking in education. By the time they reached young adulthood, WWII summoned many of them to serve in the Armed Forces. 

By the end of the war, those returning soldiers rejoiced to find jobs—any job that would support their young families. Neither my father nor my father-in-law finished high school. My mother and mother-in-law lived their entire lives as wives and mothers, never having the opportunity to pursue careers or think about self-fulfillment as women of my generation have.

Realizing that my parents’ expectations involved having jobs and providing for their children explained to me why their expectations for their children differed greatly from my expectations for my son. As a spoiled American who has achieved most of my goals, I have often ignored what less fortunate human beings endure each day they live.

In today’s world with mass media providing live coverage of daily life in war torn and impoverished countries, I grieve to see what kind of expectations those people have. Many of them have no expectations anymore. Their daily goal each day is to survive bombing, enemy attacks, and starvation. 

How can the expectations of human beings around the world differ so completely from others? I think about this a lot because I feel guilty as well as broken-hearted that my life has been so easy compared to those of many others.

As years pass, as governments change leadership and direction, as each generation plans for a better future, I find it difficult to expect more from human beings than we have seen in the past.

A study of history reveals that governments in all countries have kept secret from the public many of their activities. When we do learn of these secret actions, we discover that human nature has not changed much through the ages. People will go to great lengths—immoral and illegal—to avoid scandals. 

As we approach a new year, many people around the world pray for and expect positive changes. We hope for a resolution in the Russia-Ukraine war. We pray for peace in the Middle East. 

With the ousting of Bashar al-Assad in Syria, thousands hope for and expect a more humane government. In our own country, we pray for a healing of the schism that plagues us. As we look at all these circumstances, how positive do we really feel about expecting dramatic and healing change?

Throughout history, we see over and again that power, ambition, wealth, and pure evil exert great influence over people’s character. Many people cannot resist the temptation to dominate those with less power or position in society.

Much of the literature I taught during my career dealt with character, morality, ethics, social issues, political situations, and integrity. Some students found these concepts complex and abstract.

One of my favorite novels is To Kill a Mockingbird, set in Maycomb, Alabama, during the Great Depression. Atticus Finch, a Southern lawyer, takes on the defense of Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a young white woman. 

The entire town turns on Atticus, calling him all the derogatory epithets of racists during that time.  Atticus’ daughter Scout asks family friend Miss Maudie Atkinson why her dad has taken this case that has angered the town against him.

Miss Maudie tells Scout that “there are some men in this world who were born to do our unpleasant jobs for us. Your father’s one of them.” This judgment implies that few people have the spiritual stamina to confront the hard things in life. 

I believe that an intrinsic perception of right and wrong exists in most people. The problem lies in our lack of ability to do the right thing, especially when it is the hard thing to do. The world rarely produces people like Atticus.  They include such people as Mahatma Gandhi, Marie Curie, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, and Rosa Parks. 

Though not perfect, these people stood up and persevered to fulfill their callings. Committing one’s life to the good of humanity rather than the pursuit of wealth and status takes integrity and self-sacrifice.

As a teaching tool, I also used a psychological theory developed by Lawrence Kohlberg in which he defined and explored his philosophy of moral development (Kohlberg). 

He presents six levels of moral development, starting with the most basic of young children and going through the highest of a universal understanding of right and wrong and the responsibility people have to humanity, not just their own sphere of influence. Only 10 to 15 percent of adults ever reach this level.

Studying these concepts has sobered me and narrowed my expectations for a brighter future. I continue to hope and pray for people all over the world to see humanity as a world family, not an ethnic family. I hope and pray for this, but I don’t expect it.

Nancy Patrick is a retired teacher who lives in Abilene and enjoys writing